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The Primrose Portfolio

Things Paranormal and Hormonal

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Things Paranormal and Hormonal
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  • This is not a diary; this is a treatise on the correlation between hormonal secretions and paranormal phenomena, as well as a bestiary of post-World War II monsters. It is a handbook on the application of twin Beretta 92s in urban areas entrenched with creatures of myth. A trail guide through post-nuclear wastes, with appended bartering charts and regional lingo. As needed, it is an instruction manual on banishing poltergeist with loud music and bright lights. The Rules of Engagement against innerterrestrials. The Manifesto for the Re-extinction of Dinosaurs. A travel brochure for Tunguska or Chernobyl. Finally, it is computer generated sputter refined to dream-like coherence through self-reinforcing rules: white noise resolving to the fuzzy image of a human face yawning in horror. The curator of this portfolio assumes zero liability or reliability. Entries are categorized by subject in the Table of Contents



    We are the pyramid builders. We are the castle haunters. We raised Atlantis and we sank Atlantis. We are the Man in the Moon. The face on Mars--it is our face.



    Categorically, we have no shred of faith in the existence of these things. It is also not untrue that we are trained to exterminate them on sight.

    If you find this image attractive, the implant was not fully removed. Contact our facilities immediately to schedule a follow-up operation.




    "Whenever you start feeling smug about mankind's technological progress, remind yourself of this: We have not yet progressed to the point where our handguns will function without being smeared with dinosaur grease."--Duane Thomas



    Did You Know?
    1. Grays are hypersensitive to ultra high and low frequency noises. Broadcast bat screeches and whale songs from your vehicles to rupture their hearing organs. For personnel, dogwhistles are indispensable.

    2. Motion detectors and infrared sensors are fine, but don't forget that butane lighters cut through ghost corps (pronounced cores) like Italian switchblades. Results depend on barometric pressure.

    3. The undead: Whether you hogtie or handcuff, remember that rigor mortis progresses down the body. The hands may still grip when the jaws are too stiff for biting.

    4. DON'T rely on electronic devices. DON'T forget to pack extra flares. DO use them offensively.

    Affiliates: nashtkamanthah, hoaxes, necronomiphiles

    Beneficiary: http://skeptoid.com, http://www.theskepticsguide.org
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